In Episode 57: Losing Two Brothers to Suicide, Part I, we learned of Dennis’s tragic experience. He lost not one, but two brothers to suicide. If one suicide has long-lasting effects on a family, we can easily imagine that a second would be even harder on the loved ones left behind. It is commonly said that suicide can be contagious–that one suicide can lead to others. In this blog we want to discuss what is known about having a family history of suicide.
Losing Someone to Suicide Puts You More at Risk
In one well-known study of suicide patterns in families, persons with a sibling, parent, or child that died by suicide were more than four times more likely to make a suicide attempt themselves. Their research also revealed that almost 25% of those who make a suicide attempt have a family history of suicide. The researchers went on to say that social isolation was a major contributing factor to suicide attempts by persons with a family history of suicide.
Social isolation may occur, in part, because there is typically more social stigma about having a loved one who dies by suicide. Indeed, families are often reluctant to admit that the death was by suicide, suggesting a sense of personal shame or failure. Other persons in their social network may be less consoling and supportive–not knowing what to say or seeking to avoid talking about the nature of the death. The stigma that surrounds suicide, therefore, not only affects the deceased, but also their surviving family members.
Why Did They Do It?
Mourning the loss of a loved one to suicide appears to be different from grieving for a person who dies by illness, accident, or an act of violence. Suicide seems so much more “optional.” Many will say that it didn’t have to happen. Suicide is often viewed as a choice, and that choice is seen as hurtful (sometimes deliberately so) to loved ones. Some research suggests that those who are left behind have more trouble making sense of the death. “Why did they do it?” Suicide defies the natural instinct for self-preservation so the motivation to take one’s life can seem baffling. There are also indications that those who have loved ones who die by suicide feel a greater sense of guilt and responsibility (e.g., “It’s my fault.”). Often this sense of responsibility centers on not anticipating and preventing the suicide. “I should have known.” Frequently, family members and friends of suicide victims feel rejected or abandoned by the suicide victim. Anger at the deceased is common, perhaps mixed with feelings of responsibility and guilt.
In Conclusion…
Although losing a loved one is always hard, a loss to suicide seems to be especially difficult. Both the social stigma around suicide and internal feelings of guilt or responsibility complicate the recovery process of family members who have experienced a suicide in their family.