In Episode 55: LGBTQ+ Youth & Suicide, Part I we discuss the elevated risk for suicide that many young LGBTQ+ individuals face. According to the Trevor Project in 2022 45% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered suicide. Of that group, transgender and non-binary youth are “2 to 2.5 times more likely to experience depressive symptoms and seriously consider suicide than their LGBQ cisgender peers”. That is a staggering and significant finding. If you are a parent and your child is exploring their gender identity, you may find yourself in unfamiliar territory. In this blog we want to talk about ways to support and affirm your child as they explore this part of their identity in ways that lower their risk for suicide and depression.
Affirmation
As a parent, you may be wondering, could this just be a phase? How seriously do I take this? The best answer is to follow your child’s cues. If they express interest in being addressed by different pronouns, change their pronouns. If they want to change up their room or wear different clothes, that’s a great time to be supportive and involved. Perhaps they will outgrow this phase and move on to a new one, but if they don’t, you have already proven that your home is a safe and accepting space. Safe spaces and adults who respect a child’s gender identity significantly lowers the risk of suicide. A loving bond with one’s parents is the foundation of self-esteem regardless of who our kids turn out to be or how they identify. Having at least one accepting parent has been found to reduce the risk of suicide by 40%.
What If I Have Questions?
There are so many things that come up with kids that can be challenging. Not all of us have the background to innately adjust to our kids’ behaviors or needs. If you are concerned about your child asking to be called by a different pronoun or change their manner of dress, respect their wishes. You may tell yourself forcing them to behave and dress in a certain way is for their own protection. You may fear them being bullied or teased, but the message you are sending is that you do not accept them. Instead of asking your child to change or deny who they are, work on yourself. Find a space where you can process what these transitions may mean for your child with a counselor or group. Organizations such as PFLAG offer resources for parents whose child is questioning their gender identity or their sexual orientation. It is normal to have questions, but as a parent it is our job to protect our children. Denying who they are will only put them at greater risk for depression, low self-esteem, and suicide. Bogus tools such as conversion therapies have been proven to be DANGEROUS and highly ineffective.
What If This Goes Against My Religion?
Perhaps no one speaks more eloquently about their experience raising a transgender child than Brandon Boulware, a deeply spiritual lawyer and son of a Methodist Minister. Listen to his perspective below.
In Conclusion…
As parents our job is to guide and support our children. When our kid moves into unfamiliar territory, we may instinctively want to tell them to stop. Being transgender or non-binary is not something a child can “stop” doing. Asking them to deny who they are is impossible and terrible for their personal development. Additionally it is unlikely to yield real results, and much more likely to increase feelings of depression and suicide. The best way to protect your child is to affirm their feelings, follow their lead, and find a space where you, as a parent, can get support if you have questions.