In episode 39: Why Won’t Therapy Work? Part II- Opening Up we discuss the reasons why people don’t find psychotherapy helpful. The truth is most people benefit from talking about their problems. In this blog, we give tips about how to make therapy work even better for you.
Does the type of therapy make a difference?
There are literally hundreds of types (brands) of therapy. Therapists have usually received training in a variety of models. Some therapists label themselves as using “Brand X” therapy. Most, though, use a variety of different methods. Some types of therapy have been developed for use with particular problems (e.g., PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder). For most problems, though, the research indicates that the particular model used by the therapist makes little difference in the effectiveness of therapy. The type of therapy you receive is probably less important than your relationship with the therapist.
The relationship with the therapist
Research has consistently shown that effective therapists are good at connecting with their clients. This is usually referred to as the “therapeutic alliance”. It is called an alliance because good therapists collaborate with their clients to achieve agreed-upon goals. These goals might be, for example, a reduction in drinking, a better relationship, or greater job satisfaction. The therapist does not dictate the goals. They are not “in charge.” Rather, a good therapist works with you to identify desired outcomes, and then works with you to achieve those goals. A good therapist is motivational, helping you see possibilities for change.
Look for a therapist who will help you change
Good therapy is not about reassuring you or agreeing with you. It is about gently nudging you to consider changing aspects of your life or your way of thinking. Therapy in this sense is like a mirror that can help you identify areas of yourself that you want to be different. Unlike the fairy tale mirror, it won’t reassure you that “you are the fairest of them all”. Therapy is more objective than that. But the mirror of therapy is not judgmental either. It is more like a “smart mirror” that can point out ways that changes are possible. So look for a therapist who not only listens well, but also who communicates how to change. You need the therapist to be someone whom you respect: someone with expertise and experience in helping others like you.
Should I see a therapist who is similar to me? (e.g., If I am a man, should I see a male therapist?)
There are a number of good reasons to work with someone who has a deep understanding of someone from your background. For example a counselor of the same religion or sexual orientation as you. Depending on where you live, you may not be able to find a therapist who fills all criteria (e.g., a 40ish, gay, widowed parent that is Spanish speaking). However, it may be easier to accept help from someone who shares characteristics that are critically important to you (e.g., if they have children or share your religious views). For therapy to be effective, even if the counselor is of a different background than yourself, the therapist should know about your culture. Culture, in this example, pertains to qualities that make up your identity. Without understanding a client’s culture, counselors can unintentionally be insensitive towards their client’s values. For more on what culture has to do with success in therapy check out our earlier blog on this topic.
In Conclusion…
The specific type of therapy you receive is generally not as important as the quality of the relationship you have with the therapist. Look for a therapist whom you find trustworthy, seems objective, and has experience in helping others who have problems like yours. Recommendations by your friends might be a good place to start. Ask your potential therapist about their experience in helping others with problems like yours. If you feel that only people with similar characteristics to you could be helpful, then ask about those characteristics of the therapist. Above all, trust your own judgment in recognizing people whom you can trust and respect.