In episode 20, “Talking Teen Mental Health, Part II- Facing the Suicide of Peers,” we touch on the subject of self-harm. There is a lot to cover on this specific topic, so it felt fitting to explore it in more depth here. Self-harm and suicide grow from similar roots:
- Disappointment in romantic relationships
- Substance abuse
- Depression
- History of trauma
- Few effective coping strategies
- Feeling isolated or alone
Why do people self-harm?
While self-harm and suicide have common elements, they have different goals. Ultimately, self-harm is a form of coping. Usually, the goal of self-harm is to distract the person from the psychological pain they are experiencing by inflicting physical pain. Cutting, burning and other forms of self harm are methods of dealing with emotional pain and unhappiness. They may be poor methods, but they are an attempt to cope. In contrast, the goal of suicide is not to cope, but to end one’s life. The person has essentially given up on coping.
Young people and self-harm
In the US, self-harm is typically the province of teens and young adults. These young people engage in actions which are not so much deadly as they are painful, creating suffering but not seeking to end their lives. While self-harm may provide temporary relief or distraction from emotional distress, such actions are often followed by feelings of shame and guilt.
Typically, the young person who has inflicted self-harm tries to cover up their actions with clothing or by hurting an area of the body that is generally not seen in public (especially by parents and other adults). If asked by adults, a young person will usually deny such behavior. However, a young person may confide in friends in an effort to gain social support. These behaviors can also have an aspect of daring about them–much like how young people engage in risky activities in an effort to impress others. Young people may attempt to connect with peers by sharing about their pain. They may even post messages on social media that encourage or explore self-harm.
Unfortunately, self-harm behavior can lead to permanent damage, accidental death, or even future suicidal acts. For those reasons, self-harm should be taken seriously by those who discover it. Most people who self-harm do not ultimately take their lives. However, self-harm may have the effect of lowering one’s resistance to inflicting life-threatening harm to one’s self. It is not simply attention-seeking, but rather a statement of distress and ineffective coping.
How is self-harm different than suicide?
Although similar in some ways to self-harm, suicide is a much more drastic response to emotional pain. The suicidal person tends to perceive themselves as alone and as a burden to others. Typically, they feel that all coping strategies have failed and that the situation cannot get better. They may hide their intentions to prevent anyone from intervening. They are not seeking to connect because they have given up on connection. The self-harm actions they take are much more likely to be lethal and may be planned with death as the specific goal.
In closing…
Both self-harm and suicide are expressions of distress and poor coping. The goals for the two behaviors, though, are different. With self-harm, the individual is attempting to cope with their situation but does not have effective strategies for doing so. With suicide, the person has given up on the notion that things can get better. The specific actions they take are much more likely to result in death.