In episode 19: “Talking Teen Mental Health, Part I- COVID-19,” our guest, Natalie, speaks about the challenges she and her peers face in the pandemic. Right now, many parents are scratching their heads about how to best deal with all the changes that have taken place for young people since COVID-19 shut down much of our lives. What does parenting even look like in this terrain?
Being stuck at home all the time is hard on anyone, but can be especially hard on young people. After all, young people have had their whole worlds turned upside down. However, young people don’t have the same maturity as their parents, so they may have an even harder time coping. This is especially true for teenagers. Teens are old enough to understand the changes and to have strong feelings about the effects. Most schools are online right now. It might be hard to make new friends in this environment (or have any of the other experiences that teens go through in high school like first dates and school dances.) Many teens have struggled to adapt to these changes. Some may even have developed COVID-19 related depression.
Is my teen depressed or just acting like a typical teen?
But how can you tell if your teen is potentially depressed from COVID-19 or just being moody? After all, young adults are commonly known to be a little irritable, to sleep late, and to sometimes not listen to adults. If your young person is withdrawing to their video games, always tired, or complaining of not feeling well, are they sick? Depressed? Or maybe just acting their age? If your young person became lethargic and withdrawn since the virus struck, it might be normal given the circumstances. Young people are especially peer-focused. Many of them have been unable to go to school, play with their friends, or engage in their activities: sports, music, theater. They may be feeling less motivated because their studies require more independent work, and they are less able to interact with classmates. They may be spending even more time in their room and less with the family. Teens whose lives seem to revolve around social media may be less interested in talking with family members. Heightened irritability and emotionality are common.
Clues for teen depression in COVID-19
It’s true we all get sad sometimes, including teenagers. So how can you tell if your teen just has the COVID-19 blues or if it’s something greater? To begin with, the “blues” are temporary. They ebb and flow with events in our lives. However, after a reasonable period of adjustment, your young person should bounce back to themselves. If they’re still struggling beyond a reasonable period of adjustment, and you’ve noticed some less healthy behavior patterns developing, your teen may be depressed. You should to talk to them about what is going on. Do NOT ignore serious warning signs of depression or mental health issues. Here are some behaviors that may provoke the need for a conversation.
- Sleeping in all the time/sleeping very little/very odd hours
- Dark social media posts about anger, death, depression, or suicide
- Drinking alcohol or other substance use
- Failing classes, especially if they were previously a good student
- Sneaking out of the house
- Extreme irritability, even over small matters
How to ask
First, be empathetic and patient. If your child’s behavior has been problematic during COVID-19, you may want to begin the conversation by saying something like, “I noticed your grades have slipped. Can we talk about why that’s happening?” That may be easier said than done, but if you really want to check on their mental health, try to listen more than talk. Try not to accuse. This pandemic has been long-lasting, and the end is not clearly in sight. Don’t try to pry your young person out of their room, but invite them to join in family activities.
Second, you may want to create some new projects that involve multiple family members: painting or redecorating their rooms, binge watching a new television series, driving lessons. One of the best ways to combat depression is to reconnect with the person who is struggling. Importantly, talk with your young person about how they are feeling about the pandemic and the changes it has required. Remember, you will probably need to start by talking with them honestly about how YOU feel. Don’t expect them to express feelings and opinions if you can’t. If you are worried about your young person, consult with your family physician. Get a referral for mental health services tailored to their age group.
In Closing…
Like their parents, teens and young adults may be suffering from “COVID-19 Blues” or depression. Try to engage with them but recognize their withdrawal and emotions may be understandable or normal. On the other hand, don’t ignore serious warning signs of teen depression like suicidal threats.