In Episode 40: Shame & Suicide our guest, psychologist Dr. Jana Tran, talked about the role of shame in suicide. In today’s blog we want to explore the emotion of shame: What is its purpose? Is it ever helpful? Can you have too much of it?
The Purpose of Shame
Shame is different than guilt. Guilt occurs when we realize we’ve hurt other people. Shame, however, has more to do with the self. People feel shame when they cross their own set of boundaries or codes of conduct. In some ways, the purpose of shame is a little bit like our conscience. Its purpose is to keep us following our moral compass. The more divergent our behavior is from our values, the more badly we are likely to feel.
Having Too Much Shame
If the purpose of shame is to help us know when we’ve gone astray, then shame, in a moderate amount, can actually be beneficial. Imagining how ashamed we would feel if we cheated on our spouse, for example, may help ensure we never do. However, some people feel an overwhelming sense of shame. This may be because they violated their internal moral compass or this may be a condition of depression or low self-esteem. We know that feelings of shame and low self-worth are related to suicidal thoughts. For those who feel especially ashamed, suicide becomes a fantasy of how to escape those feelings. Some studies on suicide have explored if individuals who become suicidal carry a greater sense of shame then others. Importantly, fear of shame may guide you into making better decisions for yourself, but excessive shame is dangerous for your mental health.
Unlocking the Healing Power of Shame
From a suicide prevention stand point, shame is pervasive. Those who are suicidal often feel a great deal of shame. Fear of shame is often one of the reasons suicidal people don’t seek help. If they let someone know how bad they’re feeling, they may face further shame. However, it is possible to move away from shame and to a point of healing. Our moral compass is trying to tell us something. If we listen, we may find our way back towards a place where we can once again hold our heads high. While some people manage to do these things on their own, working with a mental health provider can be very useful in helping you look objectively at your behavior. It is especially important to work with a mental health professional if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide.
In Conclusion…
Shame is a normal human emotion which involves extreme embarrassment over doing something that is considered inappropriate, dishonorable, or morally wrong. The purpose of shame is to guide us. When we break our own rules, we may feel ashamed of our actions. However, we may be able to use shame as a tool to help us redirect ourselves back onto the right path. Those with overwhelming feelings of shame are more likely to face issues of low-self esteem and even suicidal thoughts. If feelings of shame are holding you back, consider working with a mental health professional.